Prelude

Tut tut tut tut.. tut tut tut tut.. There goes the alarm clock. Snooze? No. Need to get on my desk at 9. I have to accomplish something today. Walk from the bed to the bathroom. Take a shit, whoosh; brush, grrr; shower, how do you write the sound of a shower? Are you feeling fresh yet? No. Doesn’t matter. Open the wardrobe. I rarely thought about what to put on before this started, do you think I would have thought now? No. Doesn’t matter. Why dress you ask? I don’t know. To make me believe I am doing something or at least trying to do something. Put on the kettle, eat a banana, spread peanut butter on bread, get a cup, put a teabag, eat the bread. Steam hits my face, tak. Tea is ready. Go to my desk, turn on my computer, start where I left off yesterday.

But, where did I left?

I have spent hours looking at my screen and done nothing. Time for lunch. Order? Yes, let’s keep the cash flow in the economy. At desk again. I did say what I will do today to my team, I have to get it done. Start. Finish. Done (some days). Quality? Acceptable. Motivation? Zero. It’s 7. Exercise. Cook dinner. Eat. Watch Netflix. Read. Sleep. Repeat this till Friday.

Weekend, yes! Finally some “me” time. Talk virtually to family, friends. Yes, we are alive. Weekend gone.

From the end of March till mid-June 2020, I repeated my routine.

Smiled.

Lost.

Brought in changes in my routine like playing guitar. Okay, whatever.

During that time, I did not meet a single person face to face to have a conversation. Then I met a friend. Confused. What to talk about? Wait a minute, I had a gazillion things to talk about. It was rather, how to converse?

The Bubble

Maximum learnings come from surroundings, where you live, with whom you spend your time, what you do with them and when you are challenged. Not in aggression, but challenging your beliefs, opinions, your world view. And this has not happened to me in a long time. And I am sure, with many of you. And it is dangerous. Not only individually, but also on the societal level.

When there is no one to challenge your opinions, over time, those opinions turn into beliefs. Changing an opinion is easier than changing a belief. This can possibly give rise to radical thinking. And I have started to observe this.

We all have been living in a bubble since last year. Not only singles but people who live with their family too. If you have noticed, there is only a certain set of topics or categories about which your family ever has a conversation. It is only when you moved out, went to a different city, met several people that you realized that yes, there are myriad of topics out there. Don’t get me wrong, you need that set of topics with your family to feel like home, a safe space but it is also equally important to go out of that realm.

I did meet several friends after June. One-on-one basis, as was the rule. You do get challenged here, but not very often. Because they are your friend and you can now only meet them once a month, maybe; you try not to have those conflicts and go along with the satisfaction of having met them.

The thoughts that we had, the opinions that were forming, only got stronger each day. Your information sources did not change. Those sources have biases. That bias trickles down onto you. No matter how hard you try, those biases will affect you.

I noticed the stronger opinions in me and my friends eventually. I miss having a conversation where the flow moves from one topic to another and there are 4-5 people’s opinions on that. You get a spectrum of ways of thinking and maybe you think about that in the toilet the next morning. Or is it just me who does that?

Self-love, what?

I get it. Been there, done that. And it is great! You should do it too. Never at other’s expense.

I think the social media outcry of this phenomenon has taken an unhealthy interpretation of what it means. I’m not going to explain what it means. But I will explain what it does not mean:

It does not mean not listening to other’s opinions and assuming you are correct.

It does not mean you should never criticize yourself and your work.

It does not mean you never accept that it was indeed your mistake.

It does not mean a complete disregard for other’s time and feelings.

You can practice all the self-love that you want but you are still a part of society. You can still be polite. You can still be nice to others. It takes much more than just hanging out to be a friend with someone. Stop using self-love as a sugar-coated word for being a jerk.

The reason why I am ranting about self-love is I have met people, some of them my friends, who have no iota of doubt about what they are doing is correct. Which is necessary for several scenarios but not always. You are not the center of the universe. Stop acting like one.

We as a society are yet to evolve into beings where we are capable of caring about people outside our social circle. We have shown signs of that during the pandemic. Why limit that to emergencies? Look inside to improve yourself, but cast a wider net for different views.

Whatever

Grab that beer, go out, talk to people. Let that opinion of yours be violated. That opinion does not define your personality. But a belief will.